I Love You, Grandpa

  After what my grandpa and my friend had been through, I'm now a bit scared of sick people getting into hospital and emergency units and all those kinds of stuffs. I maybe get paranoid. Traumatic. Because now I realise even more that death can take us in no time. Anytime it wants. In order. No one can change it and no one can stop it unless it's permitted by God, yes, a miracle. And they're gonna have to work hard to do nice for that second chance living in this world.

  For my grandpa and my friend, they had no second chance. My grandpa passed away because he's old and he suffered enough because of his illness and his environment was -- is still -- so bad it caused him sick. And I'm still regretting that I didn't get to see him on his last days. Maybe there's a reason that I couldn't see him. But I'm still sad sometimes if I remember this. I feel so mean. Like I wasn't being a good grand daughter to him.

  I also have this regretful feeling about not being able to be a doctor that he wanted me to be. I was too stupid to pass chemistry so I failed at it and I couldn't make him proud. Maybe this is my path, but if I worked harder I might change it. I wish I studied more than I did back then.

  But now all I can do is remember everything he ever told me. That I must have my body strapped up so my back won't hunch. And I won't read in dimmed lit room so I won't hurt my eyes. I still remember everytime I read something in his old bedroom he was always asked me if I wanted him to turn on the light so the room would be brighter and I would read the book better.

  I'm so sorry that I didn't visit him on his last days. Really, really deeply sorry. Wish I could turn back time I would study harder and be a doctor and be there beside him everyday taking care of him.

  Maafin aca ya, Opa. Aca sayang Opa :')