Being Different Sucks

I feel so different from most of my family members. My dad, sisters and brothers don't care about getting good grades. They say that most of graduated students with high GPA can do NOTHING. High GPA doesn't give any guarantee that we will be smart in any way. It stabbed me a little. I want good grades. I want to do well in real life as well. But I don't have enough cleverness to prove them that I can do both.

I hate having this thoughts that I'm the combination of my parents' egos. My sisters and brother are all like my father. But me, I'm both. I want to have good grades, and I want to be clever without having good grades. Like my sisters, they don't have good grades, but the do well in real life. They use their brains. And now confusion gets the best of me. I don't know how to use my brain. I have difficulties with it sometimes.

I know I should be grateful. But you know, I'm in the middle of the peer pressure that makes me do whatever the majority of a community does. And I hate that. I want to live with my own expectations for myself, I don't want to depend on other people's expectations, or opinions, or anything. I want to be balanced.

I get crazy every time I think about this. I feel bad, regret of showing my scores to my parents, I feel sad that I'm different. I don't want to feel any offending words that come out of their mouths. I'm sick of it. So I don't know whether I'll be glad or not when I get the GPA result. I'll sure be happy, but I have this imprinted opinion that if you have it high, you can't be sure that you're smart. It's excruciating.