Personal Rant, Sorry.

  Heart's shattered, hopes I set up high fall off, thoughts of having a peaceful mind and heart are murdered. I don't regret everything I've been through, but sometimes it's just so hard to face. It is so hard to be strong when the problem is the one who makes you strong and the one you have problems with. It's hard to deal with it. I think about my feelings too. And his. There's still a hint of fear of hurting him. It's like you don't want to obey your parents but you know that they're wrong.

  How am I gonna survive 3 days without chatting with him? God knows. Maybe I can, because days are much shorter these days. But it'll be empty. 3 useless days. 3 wasteful days. Awful awful awful. 3 days and my sources of laughters are only gonna be telly, sister, and grandma. And maybe my little boy cousin.

  This is not at all expected, but I know I must face it if I don't want to lose him. I don't care if I have to suffer like this. But sometimes I just lose it. I can't help it I said bad things to him but at the same time I want to make things up by making him understand but I'm never able to do that. Haha. Funny how things work huh? Never fair. Maybe it is, but we have to suffer first to see it become fair.

  But it never comes!! It always comes when we realise that everything's gone! Fuck reality! I hate this world. I hate my life. I hate people. Cast me away I don't fuckin care. This drives me crazy. I'm confused. Lost. Who am I gonna run to. It's usually you. But it's you now I'm disappointed with. I know I disappoint you a whole lot more, but isn't this too much? Maybe this balances what I did to you. And I'll be patient. For us. And I hope it's worth it.